I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
