You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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