He disabled his match.com account in front of me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize