I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
my liver is dry heaving
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
