I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
