Sry I called you an 8
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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