Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
