the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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