Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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