Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
