He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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