im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
