the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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