So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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