I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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