I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
