Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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