you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
