i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
