I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize