Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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