we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
