fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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