i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
