How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
