Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
