WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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