I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
