Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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