My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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