Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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