last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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