Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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