legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
