I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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