I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
