last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
