I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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