I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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