I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My cat gives me a boner
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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