I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
