I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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