I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
