There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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