Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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