Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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