The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
