My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
