I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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