MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
