I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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