Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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