i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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