I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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